~Zoe~

February 28, 1999 – February 13, 2014

Well, this isn’t the update I had expected to write after my last blog post alluding to a vet visit. Only a few hours after publishing my last post, I found Zoe lying in the backyard dead. She would have been 15 in a couple of weeks.

We got Zoe a year after we were married, in April of 1999, so to say she’s been a huge part of our family history is an understatement. We’ve had Zoe longer than we’ve owned a digital camera. I’m not biased at all, but I’m pretty sure that corgis are the cutest puppies out there 😉

Life was grand for Zoe and then we brought this one home. And she hasn’t liked me since. Ha! As Chris and I were reminiscing last night, he reminded me that she had lived a great life. I nodded through tears and then he said, “For a year. And then we brought Max home” Seriously though, she shot daggers at me the whole drive when we brought Max home.

See, this is the attitude I got after bringing Max into the family.

And then we would eventually bring home two more to join the herd. Chris says that he kept having to add dogs to the family as we went longer and longer with no baby in sight. Ok, so maybe 4 dogs and 2 friends living with us in our 1100 square foot, 1 bath house was a little much, but I have no regrets. I’m sure Zoe disagreed.

So, if you don’t want to hear about the last couple of days, you can stop reading here. I just need to write it down; it’s my way of processing everything.

Dan and Linda got here on Monday. On Tuesday, I noticed that Zoe was breathing really fast. She didn’t seem to be in pain or discomfort, just breathing fast. It continued through the night and into Wednesday morning so I made her an appointment first thing. Dan and Linda left to head home as I made my way to the vet with both dogs. Max had been having some poop issues I wanted to have checked out.

The vet said the pulse in her back legs was very weak and her gums were pale, indicating dehydration. She did an x-ray and her lungs were completely filled with fluid. There was so much fluid in fact that the doctor couldn’t make out the margins of her heart to tell if it was enlarged. She diagnosed her with congestive heart failure and wanted to get her on meds, the main one being a diuretic to get rid of all the fluid since she couldn’t even hear her heart well with all the noise.

At this point, I should have trusted my gut and told her we wanted to euthanize, but I felt like I should follow the vet’s advice. She said within a couple of days on the meds she should start doing better and we’d have a clearer prognosis. I spent a total of 2 hours in the exam room. The vet was very patient and answered all of my questions. I told her we were ready to euthanize if she was suffering and she did say that it wouldn’t be right to take her home and let her die at home if we weren’t going to do the medicine because it would be like she was drowning. I wish I had pressed it and said no to trying the meds, but then I would be questioning if I did the right thing and ended her life too soon, so I’m not beating myself up about it.

We got home around noon and I tried to get her to eat. I put her pills in some canned food and only got her to eat a couple of bites, but she did get her medicine. She wouldn’t drink or eat all day. She wanted to, but she was breathing so fast that I think she couldn’t coordinate how to breathe and swallow at the same time. She didn’t move from her spot for about 6 hours. Then Wednesday evening, she did get up and walk to the other room, peeing in the living room on the way. She would pee one more time before going to bed, but she couldn’t poop. She was trying but things weren’t working right. I also remembered that the day before, I had fed the dogs and she didn’t come in immediately. I remembered that I saw Max eating from her bowl several hours later, so that meant that she hadn’t eaten since Monday at least. I hadn’t paid attention to her drinking, so she may not have drank anything since Monday either.

At this point, I figured we would be taking her in to put her to sleep the next morning. During the night I went to check on her and smelled poop. I got the flashlight out and had to clean her back end. She was bleeding a bit too. I think maybe she had gotten a hemorrhoid from straining. But she may have been having problems with blood in her stool for a couple of days and I thought it was Max. So I was pretty sure about putting her down now. I tried to sleep next to her, but Max wouldn’t let me. That dog cannot handle when someone else is getting attention. He was stepping all over her and nudging my hand away from her, so I had to get back in bed so he wouldn’t disturb her.

The kids knew she could die at anytime and I told Clara we would probably put her to sleep while she was at school. So she said her goodbyes before school and we took these last few pictures.

After I got Clara off to school, I called the vet to let them know what was going on and to tell them I think she hadn’t eaten or drank since Monday thinking that would change their advice. The vet wasn’t there so I talked to the tech from the day before and she said she would go over everything with another vet that was coming in an hour or so later. I finally talked to the tech later and was surprised that she said to keep doing what we were doing. She said I might have to force the pills down her and give her syringes with water, but that we still needed to give the meds a little more time to work. I was surprised they weren’t more concerned, so I thought I was just being overly anxious. I was able to get the pills down along with a couple of syringes of water and she did seem to perk up a bit. Her breathing seemed to slow just a little and all day she had gotten a little more sleep than she had been able to and walked around a bit more.

I checked on her before I went to get Clara from school. I didn’t think to find her when we got home, but about 20 minutes later or so, I remembered and went looking for her. I couldn’t find her anywhere and then I looked outside and saw her laying in the grass. I wasn’t sure if she was alive or not and Chris called at that exact moment. As he was asking how she was, I was walking towards her and could tell that she was gone. I was in tears but was so glad that Chris was on the phone with me as I found her. I must have been crying too much as I told him because Chris didn’t know for sure she was dead until he got home a few minutes later.

Before Chris got home, the kids could tell I was upset and asked where Zoe was. Clara broke down in tears when I told her and Robert was so funny because he knew he was supposed to cry but tears weren’t coming, so he was fake crying. She wanted to see Zoe, but I  held off until Chris got home. He thought it would be ok, so we all went outside to say goodbye. We all, well all but Robert, cried as we petted her and said a little prayer. Even Max came out and laid next to her. I’m still not convinced he wasn’t trying to horn in on the attention she was getting I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt though and go with he was being sweet.

So, that’s that. I’m sad that I wasn’t with her when she died. I think she may have died from the strain of trying to poop and I just hope she didn’t suffer too long. I’m sad that the vet didn’t realize she was so bad off. I’m sad that I didn’t trust my instinct and put her to sleep 24 hours earlier and save her from her final day of suffering. I’m sad for Max who’s alone now for the first time in his life. I know it will pass, but for now, I’m just sad.